You're Gonna Regret This

You’re Gonna Regret This! Ep 10 – A Slash Kings Meeting

So clearly, this episode has to do with a certain meeting between the trio. We’re about to see how it goes…

“AH! Are you serious? So you beat him up again? With a plank?”

“Yes! We gave it to him again. With a plank. You get problem?”

It was Thursday, and the Slash Kings were in Ambradu and Jake’s classroom, one of their regular meeting places after school had closed. Ambradu finally was ready to talk to them.

The only problem was, it wasn’t the meeting Jake had hoped for. He had decided the end of the week would be best, but this was a sudden and impromptu one.

So Ambradu had overheard one student talking about how he had discreetly chanced upon the other two descending heavily on some strange boy around the flats, and had had a strong feeling that it was the strange boy they had unleashed their cruelty upon, and upon calling for this meeting and confronting them, Faisal had bluntly admitted that it was the boy they had pummeled a few weeks ago.

To say Ambradu was furious would have been an understatement. Especially upon knowing Faisal went as far as to use other objects on the boy. That was an unspoken rule they had. Not because of concern for their victims, but just to avoid getting into big trouble where the damage might require hospitalization.

“Ah, but what dey wrong you guys? So the kiddie dey ein somewhere dey do ein own thing, wey you just drag am go beat am? Wey you use wooden blocks too? Ah! Inobi wana hands pɛ we dey take do these things?”

Faisal’s facial expression made it clear he was not moved. “Whatever, nigga. We beat am finish. That be all.”

Ambradu was really starting to grow weary of this boy’s state of mind. “Faisal, what is the meaning of this? We already dealt with him weeks ago. Is there the need to repeat it, and make it even worse? Massa, this one diɛɛ, you niggas really f**k up.”

Jake looked confused. This was not the Ambradu he had known for years. The Ambradu he knew was heartless and would rather chew terazzo than show compassion to any young boy or girl. Now he was showing concern for this lame kid who he had led to give a beatdown a few weeks ago. And it was clear the fact that they attacked him was what had angered him, not really the fact that Faisal used foreign objects in beating him.

“Ah, Ambradu, this is really becoming confusing. Where from this kindness syndrome-“

“Make you no take your body come, ma guy!” Ambradu cut him short. “I no tell you niggas before sey if we dey do wana things sef, make we no take am go extremes? You dey there dey watch this boy make he try kill innocent boy, you say what? Make you no annoy me!”

Jake zipped up. That was a pretty aggressive bark from his friend, and he didn’t have the heart to shoot back at him.

Faisal, as unrepentant as ever, yawned. “Ambradu, I really don’t care about all that-“

“Well, you better care. Because that was so unnecessary. And you’ve hurt a poor little young man for nothing.”

“Na that one too for concern me? Boy, I don’t give a f…”

“WILL YOU STOP TALKING LIKE A F**KING RETARD, FAISAL! Wht the f**k is wrong with you? Everyday, violence, violence, violence. Ah, massa, wey senseless approach to life too this? You get brain ooo, use am! Inobi everything you for use violence! Ah!”

That outburst was not expected by the other two.

And Faisal was not pleased at all. For someone who enjoyed dishing out abusive words on a regular, he had a poor tolerance threshold of receiving same. Apathy was quickly overtaken by fury as he glared at Ambradu.

“See, nigga, you dey bore me already, wey I take my anger all put that silly boy ein top. If you no watch your mouth, the energy I take beat am, I go take come you your top. Kwasia! Ibi me you dey diss? You fool papa!”

“Massa, massa, comot for there! You figure sey I dey fear you and your aggressive nature? Stupid beast! Kwasia, if inobi for this thing, like you be my level sef? Inobi some two-by-four slum you dey stay inside wey you dey talk plus somebody like me like that? Ofui, you get privilege sef sey you dey galley plus me. Like you for apply sef get job sey you dey wipe my ass for my house before you go survive. Senseless pauper! Odwan!”

You could just tell Ambradu had been itching to whip Faisal with those words ever since he had started talking recklessly to him. The time for choosing peace and calm was over; he was now ready to match him boot for boot.

And as the two stood face-to-face, looking each other furiously in the eye, it was clear this argument would soon get physical if Jake didn’t get a hold of the situation.

Especially given how enraged Faisal was by that outburst.

“Chale, guys. Guys, I dey beg. This no dey hia. I beg, just cut top. I dey beg,” Jake pleaded as he tried to be the peacemaker, standing in between them.

Faisal, however, was not in the mood for peace. Shoving Jake aside, he lifted his index finger and pointed it right in Ambradu’s face. “This go be the last time you ever go talk s**t like that about me, you dey hear?”

Ambradu was not amused by that action. “Massa, get your finger out of my face.”

“I say make you never say that s**t about me again!”

“Wey me too, I say get your f**king finger out of my face!”

“Or else what? What you go do?”

“Make you no test me, my guy. I say, get your finger out of my face!”

“And I say what you go do? Huh? What you go do?”

“You go make I strike if you no jie your finger in the next 3 seconds.”

“Go strike your morda! Onye gbemi!”

The next action: a swift hook landing right on Faisal’s cheek.


Jake’s shout for calm was as useless as the rest of the letters in the word queue. As far as his friends were concerned, it was time for mortal combat.

Having stumbled back while holding his cheek, Faisal’s eyes raged as he glared at Ambradu.

He then lunged at him, grabbing him by the throat. Ambradu, however, easily swatted off his outstretched arm and rammed his elbow into Faisal’s face.

Stumbling back again, Faisal winced in pain as he held his cheek. The impact was a stinging one.

A stinging impact that briefly made him oblivious to an onrushing Ambradu.

The passionate wrestling fan he was, he hit Faisal with a spear so accurate, he probably would have received a standing ovation from Goldberg and Roman Reigns.

The impact brought out a loud “Ooooooooooooow!” from Faisal as he was slammed to the floor by his current aggressor.

On top of him, a snarling Ambradu grabbed him by the collar and delivered two sharp shots to Faisal’s face. His friend, already dazed by the pain of that impact, only delved deeper into his state of stupor with those quick punches to the face.

At this rate, it wasn’t a fight anymore. The ever-belligerent Faisal was getting his butt whipped by Ambradu. Clearly, his strength only lay in that venomous pink organ in his mouth.

His cheeks enountered about four more jabs before Jake came to his rescue for a few seconds.

“Stop! Stop!”

Pulling Ambradu off their friend was not an easy task, as Jake was pushed aside once. Delivering one more blow to his nose, Jake’s second attempt at pulling him off was successful.

Although as he dragged Ambradu off a clearly shaken Faisal, already bleeding at the nose, he nearly ran the risk of getting hit himself.

“Get the f**k off me, you idiot!” Ambradu barked at him, swinging an aggressive arm in his direction.

Had it been Faisal, he probably would have heeded straight away and cowered away. But he wasn’t afraid of his dear friend.

“Stop it, Ambradu! Get a hold of yourself!” he fired back. “All this no dey hia in the least. Ah, what this?”

“Me you dey biz me what this? Don’t be silly! As we always dey this place we dey hurt people just for the sake of it, you no dey sit down think sey what this? Huh? You no dey sit down think about these things?”

Confusion was the only thing you would find on Jake’s face. “Ah, ibi sakeof this small boy ein matter you dey mention this? Ah, ma guy, you dey take this thing too-“

“Nigga, f**k the small boy ein matter! You no get brain? You no get heart? You no get conscience sey all these things we dey do no be helpful? If we dey hurt people, e no dey touch you sey this no be right? You! You Jake Yorke, son of the most religious couple I know. Your conscience no dey prick you?”

“You’ve gone to find yourself some God, haven’t you?” Faisal weakly but scornfully coughed from his lying place. “Pathetic ethereal…”

“Make you no do make I kick that your diseased face. Aboa!” Ambradu snapped, moving to where he lay to inflict more damage on him, only to be restrained by Jake.

“Chale, chale, stop, stop. Chale, I don’t know where this one too dey come from. I really don’t. Is it because of this that you needed to beat Faisal? Massa, we be paddies ooo. Come on!”

Ambradu’s upper lip curled in disgust. “This nyash-hole be my friend? Apuu torr! This useless, confused idiot wey dissings and unnecessary aggression p3 he know? Massa, this toilet bowl no be my paddy. Make you never put this fool and ‘my friend’ in the same sentence again. Stupid piece of s**t!”

“Ambradu, please! Calm down!” Jake pleaded, his hands on his friend’s shoulders. “I dey beg you, please. Calm down!”

Ambradu shook off his hands. “NO! don’t tell me to calm down. I’ve had enough of this. And you know what? I’m done with this group! Yeah, that’s right. No more Slash Kings!”

Jake sighed and shook his head. Ambradu’s emotions were most definitely in overdrive. “Ma guy, don’t say that…”

“No, I’m serious! It’s very clear you guys see nothing wrong with all this. But I do. Now I see everything wrong with what we’ve been doing these past few years, and I can’t continue this way anymore. I can’t continue leading you guys to dish out unnecessary abuse on young kids like this. I can’t. I just can’t. And I swear to God, if I have to find myself in the same company as this asshole, I will kill him. So please, I’m done with y’all.”

“Yeah. Run away with your pathetic little self. I always knew you were a piece of-“

Ambradu’s foot made contact with Faisal’s chest before the rest of that insult came out of his mouth.

“Open your mouth again, and I will rearrange your f**king ugly face! Stupid pig!”

Jake, who had been taken unawares by that action, once again stepped in. “Chale! Chale… chale, stop this. Ma guy, just let yourself run out of steam. I beg you. There’s no need for all you’re saying…”

“There is every f**king need for every f**king thing I’m saying. And don’t get me annoyed by saying I’m high on emotions right now. Nonsense! Make you no take your body come kraaa. You wey everyday, you dey do your body ‘My mummy prays for me’, ‘my daddy prays for me’. Kwasia! You figure sey ibi permission to fool? Make you no bring yourself make I destroy you. Jon boy!”

Jake’s eyes narrowed. Now he was being targeted, and he didn’t like it one bit. “Oh, so now ibi me my top you dey take this thing come, eh. You, echill. Just lef here. If you want run away from the group, fine. Nobody go miss you sef. Rubbish!”

“Rubbish your mother and your father!”

Only the Lord knew how much those kind of statements pricked Jake’s feelings. And at that moment, if another punch had to be thrown, he would definitely have loved to be the one bloddying Ambradu on the nose. But he was not a good fighter in the least, and if Faisal’s predicament was anything to go by, he knew Ambradu would put the hurting on him too.

In any case, Ambradu had already turned his back, grabbing his bag as he rushed out of the classroom.

For a moment, the atmosphere was an eerie one. It felt so strange.

Anger. Disgust. Disunity.

They felt so tangible at that moment, and they were not comfortable to the senses at all.

As a group, they had always had disagreements and arguments. But never had a dispute become so large, it denigrated into fights and personal insults. This was different, and worst of all, it affected the very root of their reason for being the group they were.

And somehow, he had a hunch that this was no fluke. That despite his attempts to chalk it down to high tempers, Ambradu just might have been serious.

The Slash Kings might just have split up.

Just like that.

“Kwasia boy! Jake, I no tell you sey he be stupid idiot? Gyimi nipa! Me, I say inobi because of any small boy or ethereal s**t biaa. Ibi the Stephanie girl e dump am wey he dey take misbehave. Na me, I no see boy wey he fool like that. Aboa, this 2-by-4 p***y. This p***y wey she most likely no dey wash am better sef. P***y wey by now sef, she make like 7 different boys chop already…”

Faisal’s silly little rant was on the periphery of Jake’s attention span as he stood there. He shook his head. Damn it, Ambradu, I’m so, so disappointed in you. After all these years of leading the way and showing me what rocks, you’re suddenly playing this Princess Diana vibe? Chale, I’m so, so disappointed… I dunno what to do about this, but…


Jake turned. “Huh?”

“You too, what dey wrong you? I dey call for tissue make I wipe my nose, you no dey hear? Ah! Hurry up and get me tissue for the bathroom there. Check fast!”

So that escalated quickly! And I think it’s been simmering till now. And for all his brash talk, Faisal isn’t that strong, is he? Well, the crazy parts of this story are coming up now!

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