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You're Gonna Regret This

You’re Gonna Regret This! Ep 5 – The Bird Is In The Hole!

Ten minutes to seven o’ clock on a Tuesday morning, and in the residence of the Kadiri brothers, a two bedroom apartment in a flat, the younger one was all dressed up and ready to go to school.

As he stepped out of his room and closed the door, he looked at the room opposite him. The door was wide open. Meaning his brother was out of the room.

He rolled his eyes. Jahwad and his regular untidy and careless self.

He walked into the living room. There sat his brother in their small living room on the couch, busily fidgeting with his phone.

“I’m off to school now,” Faisal murmured as he walked past the couch and headed for the door.

Jahwad snorted in response.

Faisal shook his head as he slammed the front door shut.

To say he had a fractured relationship with his 22 year old brother would be a massive understatement; the guy barely paid much attention to his existence. They might have been brothers, all right, but they certainly were not friends in any way, shape or form. There might have been another person in the apartment, but Faisal was pretty much on his own.

In reality, Jahwad did not like his brother. Their mother unfortunately passed on while giving birth to him, and for that he bore a deep-seated grudge against Faisal. For the early periods of life, while they still lived with their father, this animosity toward Faisal was not revealed, although he never really gave his younger brother a chance to draw close to him.. It was when their father sent them to live in Accra that Jawad exploded one day and made his truest feelings known.

Faisal had not taken kindly to that outburst, and what ensued next was a violent scuffle between the two, where the younger one caused the older one to lose a tooth.

From that day, Jahwad decided to pretend like Faisal never existed. And so it was to that day. Whether his younger brother was home, had eaten or wasn’t feeling well was not the least of his concerns.

Aside sweet stuff and the Slash Kings, Faisal really had nothing else to turn to. His relationship with his father had also deteriorated over time. And with the boys, he preferred not to open up; he’d rather maintain the harsh, unpleasant aura that followed him around than become vulnerable.

Life wasn’t good for Faisal. But he had chosen to accept it as such, and compensated for it with his aggression and unfriendliness towards others.

***

“Chale, na ibi crazy ooo,” Ambradu said as the trio made their way to school. “Tipper truck ooo. I dey the car inside wey e dey drive straight into the truck. I tinup, sweat all dey my top.”

“Wow. That be some f**ked up s**t,” Faisal murmured, shaking his head.

“I swear. Mad s**t. But chale, ibi just a dream. As for the movement itself, e still dey come on. Hot and heavy kraaa!”

“Nice, nice. Spoil there kraa!”

“Yeah, yeah. Give to am,” Jake mumbled. “Chale, na I dey wedge make Faisal come, but me too, I have some nasty dream bi like that last night.”

The two looked at him.

“So I dey some room bi. Normal room with light. Na I dey play Killer Bean for my phone top. Suddenly, the room come turn black. Pitch black ooo. I dey look around dey try find some light bi aside the phone. I dey search naa, I dey see some eyes e dey watch me. Evil eyes paa. I see norr, the eyes just dey multiply. Before I fit talk jack, the eyes all dey surround me for the room inside. Chale, my heart all…

“But the scariest part be how some feeling bi wrap me. Chale, e make like some evil presence dey try choke me. I dey the dream inside, I no dey fit breathe. E make like my lungs all dey collapse. Then I tinup. Chale, the whole night, I no fit bed again. Herh!”

“Wow, that one too be some scary stuff,” Ambradu commented.

“Yeah. But I sure sey you go tell your mommi sey make she pray give you, abi?” Faisal asked, a hint of scorn in the question.

Jake knew what his response would be, but went on to answer. “Of course jor. A mother’s prayers. We no dey joke with them oo!”

Faisal shook his head as he scoffed under his breath. “Whatever floats your boat. As for me, this metaphysical, transcendental belief system no dey make any sense to me. This one, sometimes you go chop some funny chow wey e turn dream. E no dey hia any prayer whatever biaa. But chale, to each their own.”

Jake and Ambradu were silent. As far as religion and spiritual beliefs were concerned, they never liked to engage this friend of theirs. He never failed to voice out his disdain for the supernatural and make his contempt for religious stuff known. They didn’t really enjoy it, but they tolerated it to an extent.

“Yeah, to each their own,” Jake muttered.

Switching the topic quickly, Ambradu announced, “By the way, how you niggas see Stephanie ein pics?”

Faisal perked up at that question. “The one wey she dey wear the bralette and panties?”

“Yeah, chale. See eh, the girl be bad bitch for real!”

“I swear!” Jake agreed. “Crazy s**t dey that girl ein mind inside. Freaky things sorr.”

“Ibi serious, chale. Moro diɛɛ, no mercy for the cripple ooo!” Faisal urged him.

“Oh, Boss, no cripple for the mercy kraaa! See, by tomorrow gbɛkɛ, you guys go get a well-detailed, juicy account of me f**king Stephanie Owusu. For your ears only!”

Faisal and Jake cheered in approval as they continued to make their way to school.

***

“Subtitle: the mesophyll. The mesophyll is the part of the leaf concerned with photosynthesis. It is several layers of cells thick and consists of an upper pallisade tissue and lower spongy tissue…”

If there was any teacher who really knew how to bore Faisal’s class to tears, it was Mr. Ogoe, the Biology teacher. Whenever he came to class, it was nothing but dull, insipid reading of the notes. He read in a dry and boring voice, and barely took the time to explain the notes. One would easily believe he only intended to dump the notes on them and go.

Faisal sighed from his seat at the exact right corner of the classroom as he rubbed his eyes. Chale, chale, this Mr. Ogoe man dey bore!

It was taking every fibre of strength in him to keep his eyes open, as usual. He looked at his colleagues in front of him; his case was no different.

He tossed his head back, let out a huge sigh and widened his eyes as he focused on his notebook. “Chale, make we fight through this,” he muttered to himself. “Only seventy minutes more.”

He left a gap where he had missed some of the notes and continued from where Mr. Ogoe was reading, determined to soldier on. He had made it past so many of this dullard’s classes and would have to make it through many more, so time to toughen up and fight through the interminable dross.

Five minutes in, and the renewed fire he had lit within was already dying out. His eyelids grew heavy and his consciousness wavered in and out.

In and out.

In and out…

There were voices. Hushed voices. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could hear them.

What was it they were saying? What were they talking about? Was he the topic?

And where were they coming from? Who were those behind the voices?

Folks from his hometown? Neighbours in the apartment? Classmates?

Who were they?

As these questions circled his brain, he heard one voice out of the lot.

“The bird is in the hole. The bird is in the hole.”

What bird? What hole? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“The bird is in the hole. The bird is in the hole.”

The voice was slowly getting louder. And a little more urgent.

“The bird is in the hole. The bird is in the hole.”

The voice was getting louder and louder. Whoever was saying this weird phrase was getting agitated by the second.

“The bird is in the hole. The bird is in the hole.”

Who the hell was this? And why was he sounding so panicked?

“The bird is in the hole! The bird is in the hole!”

Faisal’s eyes popped open.

The weird little trance he had drifted into was over.

“Ugh,” he groaned to himself, rubbing them. “What the hell was that?”

He looked around as he shook his head to clear the bits of drowsiness out of his system.

Some of his colleagues were already far gone, as Mr. Ogoe droned on mindlessly. He sighed. I really hate this man.

Looking down at his notebook, he blinked twice at what he saw.

About four lines of notes, followed by six horribly scrawled lines of ‘The bird is in the hole’.

Faisal looked strangely at the words. “But what the f**k does this mean?” he wondered. “What bird? What hole? What the f**k is all this?”

***

He was seated on a bench in a green park, busily scrolling through Jodel to see what was new on the social media platform. He snickered as he observed some of the silly posts on there.

A young boy passed in front of him, holding a carton of Eku juice. As he lifted his eyes and observed what the youngster had in his hands, the switch in his brain flipped. Wicked mode activated.

“Herh! Herh! Come here!”

The boy turned and looked at him, then resumed walking away.

“Hey! I dey call you, you no dey hear? You fool, eh?”

Nothing ground his gears more than being ignored. The familiar flame of antagonism was lit by that. He immediately sprung to his feet, ready to give this boy the whooping of his life for having the temerity to ignore him.

The boy noticed this, and quickened his steps.

Faisal began to run after him, peeved in no time flat.

“Kwasia, I dey call you, you dey flex me. Aboa! Make I catch you. You go see your morda for here! Stupid fool!”

Usually, it took very little time for Faisal to catch up with his victims. But this kid seemed to be faster than the usual 10-12 year old. He chased him through the lane leading to his apartment. Now the boy was heading for the road on the other side of the apartment.

“I swear, I catch this kiddie, eh,” Faisal growled to himself as he continued to run after the young lad, who took a right turn just before the entrance to the apartment. Faisal followed suit, knowing it was the path to some rough road which led to a dead end. The end was as dead as this boy would be once Faisal finally pounced upon him.

As he made the turn, however, he found himself in a different place.

A dark room. And no boy to be found.

He looked confused. “Ah, but… the boy… the road… where?”

Suddenly, a very bright beam of light shone on him.

“AAAARGGHHH!!”

The piercing blinding nature of the bright light knocked him to the ground as he cried out in pain. Covering his eyes with his arms, he yelled, “Damnit, the light’s too bright. Turn the f**king beam off, you f**king-“

His little tirade was cut short by a hair-raising scream. The kind of screams you’d hear in horror movies. He looked around in fright. Who was that?

Then another scream came through. And another. And another.

Faisal gritted his teeth, his hands over his ears as those terrifying screams carried on. Who were those screaming? And why were they screaming?

Suddenly, that voice came up again. The voice he had heard earlier in the day.

With a higher level of panic and volume than before. And the same strange phrase.

“The bird is in the hole! The bird is in the hole!”

“What the hell does this mean?” Faisal yelled in frustration.

“THE BIRD IS IN THE HOLE! THE BIRD IS IN THE HOLE! THE BIRD IS IN THE HOLE!!”

“Aaagghhh!”

Faisal sprang up from his bed, soaked in sweat and apprehension. He placed his hand on his chest and felt his heart slamming against it.

He rarely ever had nightmares, and even when he did, they weren’t as terrifying and vivid as this. He could literally still hear faint echoes of the strange phrase in his ear, even as he sat there wide awake.

But he still couldn’t get it. He had been wondering what that statement was all about, long after the class ended. He had asked Ambradu and Jake about it after school, and none of them had a clue what it could mean. He had tried Googling the term and found pictures of owls and woodpeckers in their habitats, which seemed pretty normal. So what was it all about? And why was the voice screaming with such intensity and fear?

He shook his head and sighed. “Doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t make sense at all. Mtchew. Lemme go get some water and go back to sleep.”

Yep, now everyone’s been affected in one way or another. We can only wonder where things go from here…

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