You're Gonna Regret This

You’re Gonna Regret This! Ep 2 – Good Deeds & Phobias

“Jake! Tamara! Salma! Kiki!”

A chorus of Yes Mas rang out in the Yorke house.

“It’s time for our regular devotion before you all leave for school.”

A cloudy Wednesday morning with no hint of rain in sight, it was a regular busy morning. Like many other households, the Yorkes were busy as the man of the house prepared for work and his wife went about her housewife duties, including preparing the four children for school.

Jake, the oldest of the four, appeared first in the living room, where Richard and Fanny Yorke were seated. A few minutes later, Tamara, his 13 year old sister, appeared. Salma and Kiki, the 10 and 8 year olds who were adopted children, eventually joined the rest of the family.

“Let’s hold hands as always,” Mr. Yorke ordered, to which the kids duly obeyed. He then raised a local worship song, which they all joined in. For two minutes, the living room was filled with six voices, young and old, all in tandem as they lifted early morning praises to their Creator and Father.

Once they were done, Mr. Richard Yorke began to raise prayer points, leading his wife and children in communion with God. As they fired off in tongues, the children prayed in a quieter tone.

Ten minutes of that, and the family then took their seats as Mr. Yorke took the big Bible placed in the middle of the living room table, ready to read the word of God to them for the day.

Morning devotion was not something the Yorkes took lightly in the slightest. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday without fail, the family would gather to sing a few songs to the Lord, pray, then hear the word and let Mr. Yorke know what they learned out of the scripture reading.

Today’s sermon was centered on the words of Jesus in John 13:34. As Mr. Yorke spoke to his family on the importance of showing love to others as believers, Jake sat there, with a face that would have anyone believe he was deeply imbibing all that his father was saying to him.

“So, starting from Jake, what is the main thing you’re taking from the word for today?” Mr. Yorke asked.

Hands on his laps, the most innocent of looks on his face, he calmly responded, “The main thing I’m taking from the word of God today is that we must love others. No matter what. Because Jesus loved us first, and the least we can do to honour Him is by showing that love to others in all ways.”

“Very good! Tamara?”

As Mr. Yorke continued with the other children, Jake was just itching for this devotion to end quickly. Being the only child in the house who attended GHI, which was about a fifteen-minute walk away from them, all he needed to do was grab his bag and bounce, unlike his siblings, whose school was much further away and required Mr. Yorke to drop them off there.

And boy, was he ready to bounce! He and Ambradu had targeted one twelve year old who they noted had been buying Alvaro Passion Fruit for a while now. It was time that boy did a little sharing.

“Everybody hold hands… Let us pray. Heavenly Father, we thank You for this time in your presence. Holy One of Israel, thank You for enlightenment, thank You for revelation, thank You for showing us the way to live. This day, we ask that Your Spirit will shed Your loved abroad in our hearts. Lead us on how to love others, just as You love us. And help each of us to carry out at least one deed of love this day. In Jesus’ name.”


“Okay, time for me to go now,” Jake announced.

“Alright, son. May the Lord go before you and order your footsteps, and teach you to show love to others. Amen!”



“Thanks. Now go!” Jake said smugly as he half-snatched the bottle of Alvaro from the boy.

True to form, the Slash Kings had descended upon the young lad earlier that morning and as they had predicted, the boy had that drink in his possession. Not only did they forcibly take it from him, but ordered him to buy an extra one during break.

As he begrudgingly heeded their demand, the boy walked away, thankful that at least, Faisal largely ignored him. He was busy jotting some stuff down as they sat on their special bench.

“Ei, today diɛɛ, you dey thank the boy? Wassup?” Ambradu asked in amusement. “Popee give you some sermon this morning anaa?”

“Oh, you know the drill dada. Morning devotion tins, wey the old man say make we all do one deed of love towards someone. So I do my good deed for the day. Or?”

“Oh yeah, that be all, chale. One good deed, then we move.”

“You guys say what?” Faisal asked, looking up from his folded exercise book.

“Oh, Operation One Day, One Good Deed. That be the task Mr. Yorke take give Jake for morning devotion today.”

Faisal shook his head as a big ‘mtchew’ escaped his lips. “Massa, you know sey them things, I no dey…”


The three of them turned to see who it was.

Stephanie, and a couple of her friends, with the former waving to them. They duly waved back, big smiles on their faces as she and her squad walked back to their classroom.

“Chale, but Ambradu, this your girlfriend be sexy oo!” Jake commented as the three of them observed Stephanie walking with her friends.

“Ibi serious, chale. See how in this yawa uniform sef, the body make sweet. I just dey imagine if she dey wear some tight, short dress. Dammit!” Ambradu responded, a smirk on his face.

“It’ll be serious, chale,” Faisal agreed, adjusting himself at his side of the bench. “But on the real, you for do then eat am soon ooo.”

“Oh, but you dey fear? Na how I go get this fresh p***y wey I no go spoil inside? Faisal paaa!”

Faisal laughed. “Adey beg, boss. I should never have doubted your abilities. I dey believe you.”

Thank you! By all means, this girl diɛɛ, I go pound am, no two ways about it . Right on her couch. I go give to am make she moan pass them porno actresses, walahi!”

“Alaa! The boy means business!” Faisal cheered, giving Ambradu a celebratory slap on the back as Jake raised his hands in jubilation as well.

“I swear down! Chale, destroy the flower make she see sey Slash Kings no dey f**k around!” Jake added. “Pummel the p***y ankasa!”

“I go destroy am. Walahi talahi!”

Faisal and Jake laughed and cheered.

As the two took swigs of their drinks and Faisal of his bottle of water, a butterfly flew in their direction.

Faisal visibly flinched at the sight of it before realizing what it was, then shook his head.

Ambradu noticed his reaction and laughed. “Ah, but you, butterfly wey you dey do that?”

Faisal shook his head again. “Nahh, na I figure sey ibi moth.”

“Ah, but hard guy like you, small moth wey you dey fear?” Jake teased.

“Chale, chale. Moths be some creepy insects give me ooo. My former school, some times of the year, the way them dey enter the classroom go dey the roof top pleeeeenty, na ibi some creepy ass s**t give me. Boy, I dey fit see them, then I won vomit mpo. Since then, moths dey creep me the f**k out.”

“Ahh well, that dey make sense, mohm. As you explain am like that, I dey understand you,” Jake responded.

“Yeah. E check like me then cockroaches,” Ambradu added. “Chale, cockroaches be some nasty little pieces of s**t. Ei, picture of cockroach sef dey trigger me.”

“Ei, then your own be serious ooo. Picture sef dey f**k you up?” Jake asked.

“Inobi joke I dey tell you. I really dey hate those things. Them dey mess me up pass. Filthy little vermin. Mtcheww.”

Faisal snickered a bit at that last reaction. “But you know something funny? Apparently, cockroaches dey fear we too. I see for some place sey if them touch you aaa, them dey rush go clean dema body, or something like that.”

“I see, interesting stuff.”

As they continued to talk, one boy passed by their bench in a hurry, making sure he could avoid them as best as he could. Ambradu looked at the boy’s back and squinted. “Ah, guys. Inobi that small boy we see for the Barnes Road side last time?”

“The one na he dey kick red bag?” Jake asked.

Ambradu nodded.

Jake looked at the boy, who was almost out of sight, then nodded. “Yeah, ibi am.”

“He sef, we no finish plus am last week, sakeof that idiot boy he come tell we s**t,” Faisal recalled.

“Yeah, yeah, true. That boy sef, ibi like he no be student for here,” Ambradu wondered.

“Nahhhh. Definitely no be GHI student,” Jake answered. “Like by all means, we go see am for the compound top at any point in time.”

“Well, wherever he dey, what dey matter be sey, next time, he go mind ein own business then watch ein mouth. Kwasia like that! Small boy, notin you know for this world inside, you dey come call we excuse for homo sapiens! Aboa ba!” Faisal spat, still a little miffed by the memory of it all.

“Oh, by all means. He be very stupid boy to talk to us like that. But by now, he learn sense. That be all e dey hia,” Ambradu agreed.

The siren for break over sounded off.

“Chale, make we move.”


In a corner of the path to the incomplete stored on Barnes Road, his eyes were fixed on the seniors’ classroom block of Gear House Institute. Break time was over, and the students were returning to their classes.

His eyes spotted the three of them, leisurely walking and chatting with each other.

A mirthless smile spread across his lips.

“They don’t know what’s coming.”

He shook his head, and walked away.

I think this is where things will start to get interesting for this trio. Time to find out exactly what is coming their way…

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