As time catch sey I for go secondary school, my mind all be dark pass. Like really, I no dey like sey somebody go disturb me. Coz me, I never go spare you. I go make sure sey you go bleed. One way or another. Like, honestly, don’t try me.
So as I dey hear about those stories how seniors go beat you then fool around plus you just coz them be seniors, the way I bore, eh. As people dey talk then laugh about am, I just dey tell ma body sey that one never go happen. Me, Jay Ayima, go do gyimi-gyimi make some stupid guy come take plank whack me just coz I be junior for school? Anka call me Zalamatu! Apuuu!
As I dey there, paa sey I go dey do rebellious shit, forget. That no be ma agenda. If I for respect authorities, I go do. Simple. But ibi simple matter: if you fuck with me, I go fuck you up bad. With no regrets.
Time catch, wey I get the school I choose. So abi you know, the usual purchase of the trunk, chopbox, plenty provisions and all the necessary accoutrements. My uncle then ein wife do all the necessary tins them for do. Them dey advise me on all the things I for do.
I finally arrive for my new school on a hot Monday morning. Them take me go the admin block, I go do all those necessary tins, wey them take me go the house them give me.
As my uncle then aunt wave me goodbye, that be when I see sey now diɛɛ, me p3 I dey.
That really be when my bullshit intolerance level go high. Chale, I come school sey I for learn, then I go comot. All forms of bullshit no be welcome in the least.
The first week diɛ, surprisingly, na ibi cool. Just be sey the seniors go round claim claim squad dema provisions.
Honestly, I just make leeway for that one. Even though I go hia the sardine, the tuna, the Cowbell sachet, I no see am sey ibi something I for hurt somebody over. So them biz me aa, I release. No questions asked.
Ibi like the third week or so wey chale, somebody test me.
As I dey go my bed for siesta, I pass by one form 3 nigga ein bed. Na he dey sit the edge wey I pass am.
He see me naa, he shout, “Hey, get outta my face! Batty-boi!”
Some smelly ass nigga bi too oo. Them dey call am Skanty.
Proper name too, coz na he be some dirty, wretched monkey bi kraaa. Kwasia! I sure sey he never wear white shirt before. Idiot.
He talk the tin, wey I stop. I watch ein face wey I biz am, “Ah, but you, wossop? What I do you wey you dey call me batty-boi?”
“Hey, hey, hey, comot for my face before I sound you!” he respond.
Chale, you aa, you diss me without a cause. I dey biz you what I do you aa, you dey tell me sey you go sound me. Wey foolishness too be that?
“Ah, sound me sey wetin?”
At that point, ein mates start dey join am. “Hey, form 1 boy, shut up then obey!” one guy shout my top.
“Herh, in fact, go on your knees! You no dey respect your seniors, eh?” one other guy talk.
Chale, there norr, I start dey vex. Kwasiafuo! Them figure sey them go pull that shit for my top wey I go do dolu-dolu tins, eh? Them dey mad!
I stand there wey I cross my arms. “Massa, fuck your senior bullshit!” I snap.
I talk that tin wey Skanty jump down from the bed come grab me by the shirt. “Hey, you fool, eh? Me, you dey talk to me like that?”
This pig grab my shirt threaten me! Herh!
Chale, that be where I really snap.
I grab ein neck wey I push am against ein locker. He naaa, na he be some skinny ass fool, wey he dey try fool plus muscular nigga like me.
The two other seniors too descend for my top, try grab my shirt. I push them back kraaa. By this time, the commotion start dey resound for the dorm inside. Squad rush come wana side as Skanty jump my top dey try punch me. The way I zook ein neck dey choke am, he naa he see sey ibi stupid move he make.
Them separate we, wey them dey try hold me. I jie my arm for dema grasp wey I stand back. As everybody dey watch my face, wey I take give them.
“MAKE YOU PEOPLE LISTEN! ME, I NO DEY LIKE STUPID TINS FOR HERE. FUCK ALL YOUR SENIORITY BULLSHIT AND TINS. MAKE I TELL YOU ALL, IF YOU FUCK WITH ME, I GO FUCK YOU UP, ONE TIME! I NO DEY JOKE!”
The house prefect come forward attempt sey he go silence me. But chale, na I torch at that point. Inobi your title e go make I mellow. He try drag me from the front wey I shove am go some side.
“SEE, I COME HERE SEY I DEY COME LEARN THEN LEF! I JUST WON DO AM IN PEACE! MASSA, MAKE YOU ALL DEY YOUR LANE MAKE I DEY MINE! MAKE NOBODY COME VEX ME FOR HERE, COZ ME, I GO HURT YOU! IF YOU TRY ME, YOU GO GO DEY EMERGENCY ROOM FOR HOSPITAL, WALAHI! I REALLY NO DEY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF YOU LIKE THAT! INOBI EVERYBODY YOU FOR TOUCH!”
Chale, the way na I make charged, eh! Already, I make my mind long time sey them try that shit for my top, I go make them know.
The seniors all just dey stand there dey watch my face. I see sey the way some get aa, them go beat me hurt me. But the way I shout those threats, wey them watch the muscles I go gain before I come there, them see sey inobi empty threats I dey shout.
As for the Skanty guy, the look he give me, like nobody dey there, those ein fucking legs go break. Like I go make sure sey that nigga never go fit walk again. Aboa like that.
That gbeke, the form 3 go have some meeting bi. I hear sey the house prefect tell them sey make them lef me, na the way I talk diɛ, he get feeling sey somebody really go hurt if them try me.
So chale, them all lef me. The way them treat me after that, na ibi obvious sey them no dey like my matter. But by now, you for know: na I really no dey give a fuck about them like that.
I come make popular plus my mates, coz them dey see me sey I be dema saviour.
Chale, na I no get time for any Superman bullshit.
At the end, them just dey use my name scare the form 3 boys. Na ibi funny mohm.
Seniors for the other houses come hear of me, wey some try sey them go do hostile nibbies. Make I no bore you plus the details, but I deal with them as appropriate.
So chale, aside the constant work for the bathhouse (I no sey the house prefects sheda put me for there. Fuck them!) and the evil stares and tins, I claim some small peace for form 1.
Form 2 too, no be plenty trouble I get for there. Just be one particular occasion wey them see my fire.
So light out catch, wey the dorm overseer dey try restore some order. I dey lie my bed top wey some junior dey walk about aimlessly. I tell am, “Herh, you won make the DO catch you? Go dey your bed top, eh!”
As he dey rush go, wey the DO, Knezzy, call out for my direction, “Herh, make you shut up for there!”
“Oh, Knezzy, ibi me you dey talk to?” I biz innocently. This one, na I no bore. Na ibi genuine question. Coz as I tell the form 1 boy sey make he hurry, he dey do long dey talk some ‘senior, I’m sorry’ distins. So na I dey wonder if ibi the form 1 boy or me.
“I dey talk to your morda! Shut up then bed!”
Chale, he hit raw nerve. Abi you know why.
“Chale, make you no dey talk my momee ein matter like that, wai?” I warn am as he dey pass the bed top.
“Why, your momee dey shit gold? Or she dey piss Muscatella or something? Onye gbemi kraaa!”
Herh! The guy slack big time.
I comot from my bed, grab am by the neck, wey I slam ein head into the locker for my bed ein body. “Talk am one more time make I hear! Talk am one more time!” I bark put ein top as I slam like two more times. The swine fall the floor top, he no dey kai ein name sef.
“You try me again, I go break your legs make you sit wheelchair for life! Ofui!” I shout before them come restrain me.
Them report me, wey the housemaster give me some 6 lashes san make I weed as punishment.
Honestly, e no move me. Na that Knezzy guy naa, niggas no like am. Arrogant motherfucker. Foolish goat. He figure sey he be athletic star for the school inside, so he get free reign dey talk to anybody anyhow. Like I really go hurt am make he retire from athletics. Stupid idiot.
After that day, he see me sef, he go swerve pass another place. Just like the Skanty piece of shit.
Those be the major clashes I go fit tell you about. Generally, I just make sure sey I go live a quiet life for campus top. Some people try sey them go fool plus me, wey I give to them proper. Simple as that.
More people come see sey them just for respect dema body then dey dema own lane. Those people get common sense pass.
If you dey biz about friends, activities… them tins some, chale, those ones diɛ, na them be few. At least, na me then some niggas be cool. Bane, Jackson, Lolomi… na I dey vibe plus them. But only at surface level. Paaa sey I get tight paddy from school diɛ, nahhh.
Activities… na I no dey do activities. Period. I just try concentrate on studies so sey I go pass. Coz chale, I never like boarding school. Na I just won exit that shitty system quick then get my freedom.
So chale, the day I finish my last WASSCE paper, na I make relieved pass. A day later wey my uncle then aunt come pick me take me go house.
SHS diɛ, ibi one aspect of life, I just go brush top fast fast then move on. Besides, now we dey come to the real heart of the matter…
Okay, so… that little part of his story was quick. And clearly, he’s got a short fuse. Oh well. Time to see the real deal now…