Welcome to State of Dabar’s very first pidgin English series!!
For the next few minutes, you’re gonna be following the story of a young man who’s not exactly had the happiest life. If you wanna know what that is, then let’s move!
A lil caution, though. If you’re not very familiar with pidgin, you’re not gonna have a smooth time reading this. And moreover, this young man is not exactly a clean mouth, and he’s gonna let you know, so… proceed at thy own risk.
Okay, let’s move!
Them say everybody go die one day. That one be fact nobody go deny.
But chale, this my situation be torture. Clear and simple torture.
As I dey here, I know sey one day I go die. Ibi kayy. One day, I go lef this earth then go someplace else. Whether ibi heaven, hell, purgatory or whatever, chale, I no know. Coz I really no dey give a fuck about all that shit.
But the fact be sey, my dying day go fit happen any particular day. At any moment, somebody go fit to enter this place then tell me sey my time catch. Just like that. Then I for go then receive my due payment.
Chale, I dey wake up every morning with some expectancy sey this be the final day. As each second dey go, then I dey wedge make the official news come. The whole day go pass- morning ti, afternoon ti, then gbɛkɛ time all go pass.
All the turmoil for my belly inside make waste. As I dey sit here waiting for death, e no dey come. Day after day after day, the same damn thing.
Chale, chale, wey kind torture too be this?
Life never play me fair. From kiddie time up to now, life never play me fair. So-so fucking e dey fuck me up. I mean, why? What aaaa I do wey me pɛ, all this shit dey happen to me? Ah, ibi sey I go diss some god for the heavens in some past life wey he dey make ein mind sey he san go bring me come earth again then show me levels or what? Coz aswear, I dey fit think about it saaa, but still, I no dey understand shele.
I sure sey you dey wonder what dey go on. You dey wonder, who be this crazy ass nigga he dey ramble on about waiting for death like that?
You diɛ, relax. You go find out eventually. Abi I dey come give you my full story, so just relax.
As to where I dey, how I come dey there, them nibbies all, you hear in time.
I go start from the beginning, tho, so you for relax give me. Not beginning like the hospital them born me for ooo… you, just wedge me. You go barb in time.
I just for give you one disclaimer, though.
Please, you for understand sey I be raw nigga. Me, I no dey mince words. I be plain pass A4 sheet. So if you know sey you be them kind peoples wey them harsh words dey offend you, then shun dey follow this story, I dey beg. Lef here then go listen some hymns or whatever. I make serious.
Coz honestly, I really no dey give a fuck about your feelings like that. I no dey care about the prim and proper people them dey do dema body like you pour phlegm for dema mouth inside if you use the word fuck. Them dey bore me pass. So if you know sey you be them kind jons, then chale, walk pass.
We cool? Cool.
At this point, I sure sey the prim and proper jons then the chrifes all lef. No problem kraaa.
So, make we start.
My name is Joseph Kwesi Ayima, also known as Jay Ayima.
And chale, this be ma story…
Ready to follow his story? If you are, let’s go on and begin!!